The Buttered Wyvern
From Valwiki
Tale of The Buttered Wyvern
T'was some time ago when Tinder fought the beast. From this event comes legends, that shall be passed on the ages. This event was known as Tindertot and the Buttered Wyvern.
As told by Tindertot Rastleknot:
It all started when I (Tindertot Rastleknot) was taking a fine walk in the brisk airs of the Tarionian highlands. I believe it was summer, or wait, maybe it was spring. No it was summer. Yah, summer is better anyway. But spring has its pluses too..Hmm..Okay okay, it was sprummer. Anyway, I was walking down the middle of a split trail, since the middle way is always best, I noticed a gnome and two monks cowering from something. As the majestic lad I was I skipped on over to them.
"So what seems to be the trouble?" I asked with big grin.
"We are lowly monks, who failed at taking down the awfull beast who plauges our lands." They said.
"Well my names Tindertot Rastleknot! How do you do? Why a awfull beast? Pish posh! Let me handle this!" I said trumphically. Wait does that word exist? Well I'll say it does.
The gnome then looked at me and rambled on about some sort of device he made. I wasnt really listening because he had a strange mole on his neck, oh! And I found a nifty bible of sorts. I dunno how it got there, but it came in handy later. After awhile the gnome jumped me and fitted me to this odd backpack thing with odd wings attatched to it, and a pull string. He instructed not to pull the string unless i was a good 50feet away from it. I thought something was a little off with that, but hey! It was time of adventure! What did I care?
"Lets do this! Im itching all over, I cant wait." I was becoming bored waiting.
"Wehavetowaitforthedragontoflyovertheabbyyounitwit-." The gnome said but was stopped by the awe of a wicked red winged monster flying high in the skys.
Woosh! The thing I needed to take out was here. The Wyvern of horrors. Pfft, it wasnt harmful looking at all. Im sure those big serraded teeth of his would only minorly hurt me! So I was quickly placed in a catapult and launched high into the air! Weee! Boy that was fun, let me tell you this. At one time in your lives all must be shot into the air by catapult. Though my one uncle Lennard was shot out of a ballista string, that didnt go so well you see he was thrown against a large tree that upsetted a village of nasty spider people..Oh yah my story. Anyway, as I was being propelled into the air, I saw the beasts tail, so I did what every smart Kender would do. Grab it!
As I was on the back of it, the wyvern swished and swurved! Then I pulled out my trusty knife that I found the other day in an inn that had a number of well crafted butter knifes like this. So I jabbed it into the beast and ascended up to its head and covered its eyes and the beast yelled and said.
"Im allergic to unsuperiour races!" What a kidder.
Then he slammed us down into a hill. I must have been thrown 2105feet! Then I landed with a big thud that hurt my arse for days after. Anyway as I landed, the wyvern reared to breath a reign of fire on me and stamped my death. Or so he thought, but I the genuis that I am, chucked a bar of butter I just found into his mouth. The dragon coughed and gagged and fell over dead. It must have been my most accurate throw that collided so hard with the back of his neck it scrambled his brains! Then the townsfolk came over and rejoiced my name! But for good measure I just had to pull the string on my wingaling backpack. The gnome ran like the dickens and when I pulled it, the thing exploded! As it was I was luckly thrown through the biggest abby window there just as it all collapsed.
Though the abby ended up being destroyed anyway, I was still the hero for slaying the wyvern. Despite the wanted sign. Dont see what the big worry was, no one was killed. Oh well. Yup. Oh wait, wanna hear the one about the goatsucker who almost ate my topknot? No? Get off the stage now?
How rude.
